Pizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaa - Dont Be Salty.

Wow, I made it to post #2. Im just praying to Jesus in his infant form that my ADD doesn’t kick in and I forget about this blog because my weird ass is having too much fun writing this. FOR TODAYS POST: mammas making pizza.

For those of you know don’t know me, I just want to give you a little insight about my relationship with pizza. It’s a beautiful love story, there are fewer things in this world that I love more than pizza. I truly believe that the answer to world peace is pizza, theres just no such thing as a bad pizza.

Except vegan pizza. That shits just disrespectful,

Now that I’ve offended any vegan reading this, i just want to say; I’m not sorry, you should be. Pour your self a glass of cashew milk and keep readying for fun or click off of this and go tend to your kale garden. For everyone else, just keep reading.

Before I continue to ramble again, heres the recipe for this BOMB ASS pizza

PESTO:

Shit ton of basil
1 clove of garlic
A handful of pecorino cheese
1 tsp of pepper
1/2 cup or so of oil

THE PIZZA

Homemade Pesto
Prosciutto
FRESH mozzarella cheese
Flatbread of your choice
Arugula
1 Egg
Balsamic glaze (optional but just do it)

ONE MORE THING BEFORE I BEGIN I just want to say that this is such a quick but amazing recipe. It took me TOPS 20 minutes to make. Don’t be a lazy piece of shit. Throw away the DIgiorno, hang up on Pizza Hut, and just make this.

I came home from work CRANKY as hell after dealing with a bunch of terrible people all day long.. I wanted something that was fast, and where I could eat my feelings, and pizza is the only thing that could achieve that for me.

ANWAYYYYYY First I made the pesto and I’m sorry I cant give you better measurements, I kinda just free-balled it. I am #blessed because theres a gorgeous basil plant on my deck. look at this bitch.

To make the pesto I just grabbed a big handful of basil, and added in a clove of garlic, pecorino cheese, pepper and a good amount of oil. Start blending that shit and adjust as needed. You may need more oil to get it to a nice consistency.

I also know a lot of people put nuts in their pesto, but my brother is allergic to nuts so my mom never made pesto that way, so by default I don’t either. I personally think he’s selfish and she should have made pesto with nuts and let natural selection do its work.

((KIDDING LOVE YOU EVY<3 <3 <3))

And I know what you folk are thinking “Oh, I’ll just go get a jar of pesto from my cabinet, its the same thing” WELL YOU COULDN’T BE MORE WRONG.

Pesto in a jar is absolutely repulsive. Look at this GARBAGE that you’re getting in a jar.

It looks like someone drank a McDonalds Shamrock shake and shit into a jar. PESTO TAKES TWO MINUTES TO MAKE AND IT’S CHEAPER JUST MAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after you throw that jar of pesto into your fire place; schmear your nice beautiful homemade pesto on a flat bread like this

LOOK AT HOT VIBRANT THAT PESTO IS!!!!!!.

BTW: I am using this brand flat bread because I found it in my house, but you can really use anything. You can be a classy bitch and make this into a pizza pizza with some nice homemade/store bought dough, whatever floats your boat homie.

Next, top that baby off with some FRESH mozzarella and some leftover prosciutto from the antipasto platter from dinner two nights ago.

Set your oven to 400 and pop that bitch in the oven for about 10 minutes until the cheese is all meltyyyyyyyy.

You could eat this pizza by its self now, but I’m obnoxious and I have to trick y’all into thinking that I actually know how to cook; so were going to throw some extra goodies on there

*Alexa: play Goodies by Ciara*

While Ciara is blaring in the background, lets dress this bad boy up. Get some arugula and put it on top of the hot pizza. Next, add a fried egg.

If you’re wondering why i chose a fried egg, I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t have a good reason. I feel like a lot of ~*trendy*~ restaurants try to be cool and put eggs on their pizza and people go WILD for it. Do you know how many times a day I see mom’s posting their egg pizzas on Facebook?!?!? I’m talking to you Ellen.

Before you dive in, add a little drizzle of balsamic glaze to REALLY impress Ellen because the pizza that she always posts doesn’t have a balsamic glaze on it.

LOOK AT THAT BAD BOY LIKE DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM